the Impostor Syndrome

I read a bit about the impostor syndrome a while back when skimming through an interview that Rookie magazine had with Emma Watson. I was immediately intrigued by this phenomenon, because I usually like to read about how messed up people can be mentally, but also because I was able to relate  so completely and accurately with the very condition I had stumbled upon by chance. 

The impostor syndrome in short is a phenomenon in which a person is unable to accept the idea that his or her success resulted through personal abilities, but rather accredits these achievements to such external factors as luck or coincidence. Those who are "victims" of this condition also tend to believe that they have tricked or deceived others into believing they are worthy of success, when they themselves do not believe this is the case, hence resulting in the name of the phenomenon (synonyms for the word "impostor" are "trickster" and "cheat"). 

I believe the impostor syndrome is relevant to my life, because I frequently find myself feeling emotions of guilt and worry after achieving what I label to be successes, be it within academics, extracurricular activities or interpersonal relationships. I find myself looking back and analyzing every detail that has contributed to my "success," thinking to myself, this is surely something I cannot take credit for. Sometimes, the impostor syndrome becomes excessive as well, where there are absolutely no traces of evidence that provide the possibility of success resulting from external factors, and yet I continue to doubt how I've managed to achieve a goal. 

I used to think such doubts and negative thoughts resulted from good ol' teenage self-esteem fluctuations, but it's interesting to discover that there is a professional diagnosis to this kind of behavior, and that it affects many adults as well.