dependence

By the time you finish reading this post, there is a high possibility you will believe that it is, like many other posts I may create in the future, filled with frustrated thoughts that have been imbued with teenage angst. Although I do use my blog to shed light on some major events with a totally impartial perspective, I also intend on using it as an outlet and electronic journal that can be reflected on in the future. Hopefully some of these random blurbs will catch your attention. 

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I've come to realize that dependence is a powerful, powerful mindset or emotion. It is the driving force that compels many of us to rely on others, and in more serious cases, be controlled. I have always been a dependent person, and I've hated it. Being dependent makes me feel weak, and unable to make decisions that would most benefit myself rather than others. This has resulted in constant downfalls on my part, many of which could have been prevented had I not been so dependent on those around me. 

Due to my frequent dependency on others, I find myself thinking, how exactly are people dependent on one another? Economic dependence has been a prominent issue for centuries as people who cannot sustain themselves get caught in a vicious cycle of social services or debt. There is a form of physical dependence that can be found in romantic relationships as well. The most prominent form of dependence I find in my life, however, would be emotional, towards those who are most important to me and are the ones I love. Being dependent is useful to a certain extent, because I think not only for myself but for others as well. But this habit of being dependent sometimes becomes extreme to the point where my own feelings fluctuate within a very short period of time, solely due to a certain mood or opinion someone I care about projects towards me. Often, this mood or opinion is unimportant or unintentional from the other person's perspective, but as I am dependent and therefore too wary of much more than I should be, I begin to blow things out of proportion and let unrelated, unimportant matters affect me greatly, causing stress, pain and distrust. 

I guess the "side-effects" of being dependent are what truly bother me. I have been feeling so distraught recently because I've let myself become too dependent on the attention and care of others that I'm forgetting what's more crucial to remember: my own perspective and reflection of myself.