admirable

A lot of people I know have planned out what they want to do with the rest of their lives, beyond high school, while I'm still trying to figure out my place in this world.

There are many things I'd like to do or become, actually. I have always loved to travel, and I think it would be delightful to be paid to travel and write about my experiences abroad. Nonetheless, I realize that this is literally a "dream job" that I have very slim chances of encountering, especially since there are so many talented writers with better potential. Another profession I wouldn't mind taking up is in the field of marketing, as either a director or consultant for businesses. How consumer trends begin and cease continues to fascinate me, while the consumerist culture continues to grow internationally as well. Nonetheless, I have very limited knowledge on the topic at hand, so I'd need ample amounts of free time to catch up on any information I've missed up until now. So many pathways seem to be open, but once I take a closer look, I realize my options are extremely limited.

Although the doom of my nearing future is imminent - I am confused now more than ever - there has been one, clear goal I have clung to throughout all the days I've spent thinking and rethinking the life ahead of me. One aim that I know I want to achieve is being admirable. This can be seen as quite a vague and unquantifiable task, but the idea of being admirable to others seems incredibly rewarding, for so many reasons. In my eyes, being an admirable person is being a person that is all-rounded and capable of the responsibilities he or she sets beforehand, resulting in little or no chances of disappointment for both myself and others around me. Being admirable would mean I would become a role model for others to look up to as well. I can't imagine anything more fulfilling than knowing that I act as an example for those who are experiencing the same issues I did previously and are looking for guidance. Being admirable would also act as a kind of proof to myself that I do have talents and that I have succeeded in some of the things I've done in life, because why would anyone admire my shortcomings or mistakes? 

I understand that one way to look at this goal is seeing it as a tad narcissistic. Admiration after all, is a form of attention. However, I feel that it's more about raising the bar up high in order to benefit not only myself, but also those around me.